


The Season When the Flowers Bloom

by babyjaem



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Confessions, Crying, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slice of Life, Time Skips, hyuck is the best friend in the entire world, other dreamies are mentioned, read to find out which pairing is endgame!, renjun-centric, very minor donghyuck/yukhei
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 08:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15360363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyjaem/pseuds/babyjaem
Summary: In which Renjun grows up and goes on the journey of self-discovery called life.





	The Season When the Flowers Bloom

**Author's Note:**

> okay, this is my longest fic ever and i am very proud of it despite the fact that i'm insecure about my writing in it lmao. anyway. this is much more than your typical "cute fluffy ship" fanfic and focuses a lot on the dynamic in renjun and hyuck's friendship and also renjun's gay journey. i self-projected a lot into this so yeah lol. i hope the writing is okay n stufffff
> 
> **also something to keep in mind that basically all of my fics take place in california (unless otherwise stated) so here's some extra info if the time skips get confusing:  
> \- the school year is from august to may  
> \- there are four years of high school, then most people go on to a four year college when they graduate  
> \- 00 liners are all in the same grade, and 99 liners are in the same grade too (one year above 00 liners)**

At age 12, Renjun realized that he liked boys.

It was a sudden feeling. He came across a video of some dude dancing in a very sensual manner, and his heart started beating noticably quicker. It scared him. He locked his phone and threw it on his bed, unsure of what he was supposed to do with the newfound information about his sexuality. He calmed himself down and brushed it off, trying to convince himself that it was only that particular video that made him feel that way. He moved on.

☼

At age 11, Renjun met his best friend.

He's known Donghyuck ever since the beginning the beginning of sixth grade, before his Gay Awakening. Renjun was a new student to the district, so he didn't know any of the kids at his new middle school, nor was he really expecting to make any friends. He was scared, but he was also aware of his fear and came to terms with it. Wise, even as an 11-year-old.

They were seated next to each other in their Advanced Language Arts class. Renjun didn't really care about the other boy, only wanting to get used to the way this school worked.

However, Donghyuck didn't allow this. He would always talk to Renjun, about anything, absolutely anything, in an attempt to befriend him. He had never seen him around in elementary school, so he assumed he was from one of the other schools that fed into their middle school. However, when he saw that Renjun didn't talk to anyone else outside of class, Donghyuck figured that he was just a new kid. Because of this, he was determined to make him feel welcome. In all of his attempts to make conversation, Renjun never really responded, only giving him answers of a few words or just a shrug.

This all changed in the middle of October, when the weather was getting a little cooler and the leaves were turning a bit more yellow.

As Donghyuck was about to sit in his seat, Renjun looked as if he was waiting for him, waiting to tell him something. Donghyuck sat down, not initiating the conversation for once. This time, he let Renjun take the lead.

Renjun spoke, "Why do you always try to talk to me even though I never really talk to you?" He looked straight into Donghyuck's eyes as he said this, shocking the younger boy a little bit, both with his question and his gaze.

Donghyuck blinked, thinking of a way to respond. Then, in typical Donghyuck fashion, with a smile on his face, his eyes scrunching up, he said, "Well, I just want to be your friend! Just because you're a bit shy doesn't mean that you're not nice!"

Hearing Donghyuck's words made the corner of Renjun's lips turn up, until they revealed his full smile and his snaggle tooth.

Since their class was right before lunch, Donghyuck invited him to eat with his friend group. Renjun gladly accepted, considering the fact that he still didn't really have any friends himself. He was nervous, but he was mostly happy that he finally had other people his age to converse with. When they got to Donghyuck's usual spot, he saw two other boys he's seen around school before, but he didn't know their names. He learned that the one with the cute eye smile was Jeno and the one who was in seventh grade was Mark.

From that day on, Renjun continued to sit with Mark, Donghyuck, and Jeno, even when Chenle and Jisung, two boys from the grade below them, joined their group as well when the two of them started middle school. Despite being surrounded by so many people, Renjun remained closest with Donghyuck, their friendship only growing stronger as time went on.

☼

At age 14, Renjun came out to his best friend.

They were over at Renjun's house to study for their end-of-year exams. The two of them were situated on Renjun's bed, Renjun sitting cross-legged, while Donghyuck was lying on his belly, chin resting on one hand as wrote with the other.

He's been thinking about this for a while now, whether it was the right time to tell him or not. Renjun knew that the younger boy would be accepting of him no matter what, but that didn't make it any less nerve-wracking. He was chewing on his lip and playing with the hem of his sweater, which were things he tended to do while he was deep in thought.

Donghyuck, ever so observant, noticed Renjun's habits and became the tiniest bit concerned. "Hey, man, are you good?" He removed the hand under his chin to place it on Renjun's knee instead to catch his attention.

Renjun almost dropped his pencil. "Uh," he hesitated, but immediately caught himself, telling his own brain that if he paused for too long, Donghyuck would become even more suspicious, "yeah, of course." It was so difficult to tell him that, and it seemed even more difficult to lie about it than tell the truth.

Donghyuck narrowed his eyes, not believing him in the slightest. Still, he didn't push it. From his few years of knowing Renjun, he has learned to let Renjun tell him things at his own pace, and he respected that.

The silence surrounding them was suffocating Renjun. His mind was swimming and his heart was racing. He didn't think he had ever been so nervous in his entire life. He spent another ten minutes or so building up his confidence in order to tell Donghyuck.

Taking in a shaky breath, Renjun began, "Um, actually," he had to pause for a bit to maintain his composure as much as possible, "I need to tell you something. Kind of important, I guess."

Upon hearing about the importance of what Renjun is about to tell him, Donghyuck repositions himself in order to look at Renjun's face more comfortably. However, when he sat closer to the older boy, he could hear him sniffle. Donghyuck chose not to speak, knowing that Renjun just needed to take his time.

"I," Renjun breathed out, slowly and deeply, "like boys." Renjun finishes, looking down at the notebook in his lap, fingers playing with the threads on the sleeves of his sweater. He saw a tear drop stain his paper, causing the ink from his pen to smudge.

To Renjun's surprise, the ever-dramatic Donghyuck, the one who tends to make a big deal out of most situations, didn't make a big deal out of the older boy's confession. Instead, Donghyuck just took both of Renjun's hands in his, and tells him, "Okay."

Slightly shocked, Renjun looked up at Donghyuck, his eyes slightly puffy from shedding a few tears. "Just... 'okay?'"

"Yeah." Donghyuck replied nonchalantly. "You're still Renjun. It's just that now, I just know a little bit more about who Renjun is." Despite his laid-back tone, he gave the older boy a fond smile, squeezing his hands a bit tighter.

For some reason, this made Renjun extremely emotional, more than happy that his friend didn't view him differently just because of who he loved. He pretty much bursted into tears, wrapping his arms around Donghyuck's body and burying his face into his neck as he sobbed uncontrollably. "Th-thank you, Donghyuck." Renjun hiccuped.

Donghyuck's heart melted at his friend's emotional state, and he wanted to protect him forever and ever. His hold on Renjun's body tightened, and his chin rested on the mess of hair on the other boy's head.

"Of course. I am always here for you."

☼

At age 16, during the summer before his third year in high school, Renjun developed his first crush on a boy.

It was a warm day, and he planned to go to the beach with his friends. They discussed what food they would bring, but what they didn't discuss was that Mark would bring his hot friend, Yukhei, along.

Renjun had been eyeing Yukhei ever since he arrived at their spot on the sand. He studied his face, his oh so beautiful face, with his sharp nose and eyes that shined and full lips, all topped off with hair that looked so soft that Renjun wanted to run his hands through it for hours. His eyes constantly wandered down, catching a glimpse of Yukhei's muscles through his muscle tee.

However, when the late afternoon sun started burning a little hotter, Yukhei took off his shirt and Renjun almost drooled (he swiped his thumb on the side of his mouth just to make sure). The boys around him whooped at the sight of Yukhei's toned body, and Yukhei simply gave that charming smirk that made Renjun's ears turn red.

He mentally slapped himself for being so thirsty for the older boy, thinking about how Yukhei is more than a year older than him. But still, it was difficult, especially with the way Yukhei has been overtly flirty toward Renjun throughout the duration of their beach trip, calling him cute and giving him dumb, crooked smiles. It made Renjun very confused. Part of Renjun wished Yukhei would just not pay attention to him at all, because it would make it easier to deal with the fact that he knew he would never have a chance with the older boy. The other part of Renjun loved the attention and basked in it, never wanting it to end.

At the end of the night, when Renjun was about to leave, Yukhei hugged him, telling the younger boy about how great it was to get to know him. Renjun tried not to linger onto Yukhei's touch, having a small desire within him to feel the elder's firm muscles for a bit longer.

Renjun went to sleep thinking about Yukhei and his smile and his hug and his compliments and his muscles. However, he soon realized that he didn't get Yukhei's number when they were at the beach, and he thought it would be creepy to ask Mark for it. Without the constant contact with the older boy, Renjun started to lose his feelings.

Renjun forgot about him in a week.

☼

At age 16, the beginning of his third year in high school, Renjun developed his second crush on a boy.

The fact that Mark was a senior, a whole grade above Renjun, didn't stop the two from becoming close. Mark was always there for the younger boy, offering advice or helping him with his schoolwork. Despite this, it seemed to Renjun that Mark had always been closer to Donghyuck, who was also Renjun's best friend. Donghyuck and Mark were friends first before Renjun came into the picture, after all. He didn't want to admit it, but he felt a tinge of jealousy within his core whenever they would all be hanging out and Mark would laugh at something Donghyuck said, even if it wasn't that funny, or when Mark would place his hand on Donghyuck's thigh.

Renjun told Donghyuck about his crush on Mark, and his friend understood and supported him, so it wasn't like Donghyuck was purposely trying to get Mark to like him more; Donghyuck was just so likeable. It made Renjun feel a bit insecure, but he didn't want to let his friend know, because no matter how jealous he felt, he still loved Donghyuck's personality and how much he lit up the atmosphere wherever he went.

Renjun sucked it up. He resorted to waiting until his feelings for Mark fizzled out, just like they did with Yukhei. However, more than halfway through the school year, how he felt toward Mark still hasn't changed. His cheeks burned up whenever the older smiled at him, and he reveled in each touch Mark gave him.

Donghyuck has been teasing Renjun a lot more about Mark recently, and Renjun couldn't figure out why. He would nudge Renjun whenever the older boy was around and coo to him about "his widdle cwush" constantly. It confused him, and he was always left wondering why Donghyuck was treating Renjun and his feelings for Mark this way. While Donghyuck was saying and doing these types of things to him him, his interactions with Mark changed as well. Mark started to eat lunch with their friend group more instead of doing so with Yukhei. Renjun asked him why, and Mark just said that he wanted to get to know everyone else more, offering a small smile. The younger boy didn't really believe him, but Mark looked extra cute on that day, so he let it slide. In addition to this, Mark started to walk Renjun to class, accompanying him to his locker and offering to carry his books when it looked like they were too heavy for him. This made Renjun suspicious, but he chose not to dwell on it too much. If anything, he could just ask Donghyuck about it when he was feeling really curious. He never did.

The two of them, Mark and Renjun, texted regularly, as Mark was the type of person to always check up on his friends in order to catch up on their lives, but Renjun got excited, his heart beat racing, whenever Mark's name showed up in his notifications. That night when he was studying for an AP Biology test was no different.

 **from: Mark**  
**hey what's up? [9:47PM]**

 **to: Mark**  
**hm nothing much, just studying for bio [9:49PM]**  
**i have a test tomorrow and i have never been more unprepared in my life [9:49PM]**

 **from: Mark**  
**aw that sounds terrible LOL [9:50PM]**  
**well i am here to offer support if you need it! haha [9:51PM]**

 **to: Mark**  
**yeah thanks! [9:51PM]**

 **from: Mark**  
**alright i'll stop texting you so you can focus on studying haha [9:52PM]**

 **to: Mark**  
**oh alright [9:52]**

Renjun tried his best to not seem dejected, but he doesn't think he succeeded. If Mark noticed, then he didn't say anything. Still, it was nice to feel a little bit more motivated from talking to Mark. Renjun would even say that he studied better after the exchange with the older boy.

After studying for an hour or so longer, Renjun felt exhausted, his brain full of information he hoped he would remember in the morning. As he was falling asleep, he felt his phone vibrate on the sheets. He felt around him bed without getting up, trying to retrieve his phone. He grabbed it eventually and wondered who would be contacting him at this time.

 **from: Mark**  
**yo are you still awake? [11:03PM]**

 **to: Mark**  
**i was, like, falling asleep but it's cool dude lmao [11:05PM]**

 **from: Mark**  
**omg i'm so sorry [11:05PM]**  
**it's okay if you want to sleep right now, i'll just tell you tomorrow [11:06PM]**

Renjun jerked fully awake upon reading Mark's most recent text message, all the tiredness gone from his body and replaced with anticipation.

 **to: Mark**  
**nah, it's cool, really! [11:07PM]**  
**what did you need to tell me? [11:07PM]**

 **from: Mark**  
**this is like [11:08PM]**  
**really important? but idk [11:08PM]**  
**no matter what, i don't want us to stop hanging out or being friends or anything like that [11:09PM]**  
**i hope this doesn't make things weird haha [11:09PM]**

Upon seeing the messages from Mark continue to come in, his heart rate didn't stop increasing, and he actually felt like he was going to have a heart attack. He had a feeling of where this conversation was going, but he didn't want to get his hopes up; he hated the feeling of disappointment.

 **to: Mark**  
**of course not, i wouldn't stop being your friend unless you, like, killed someone or something lol [11:10PM]**

 **from: Mark**  
**cool, here i go then [11:10PM]**  
**i have feelings for you [11:11PM]**

Renjun couldn't believe it. He was convinced it was fake, that he had actually fallen asleep and his whole conversation with Mark had just been a dream. He pinched himself exactly nine times to make sure he was actually conscious and awake, for good measure. After a few minutes, he managed to calm down a little bit. He hadn't noticed that he received a more messages from Mark while he was trying not to go into cardiac arrest.

 **from: Mark**  
**you don't to respond right away [11:17PM]**  
**you can have time to think [11:18PM]**  
**if you need it [11:18PM]**

 **to: Mark**  
**sorry, i was just... shocked [11:19PM]**  
**i guess [11:19PM]**

 **from: Mark**  
**oh i see [11:20PM]**  
**i understand if you don't feel the same way, we can pretend that this never happened haha [11:21PM]**

Renjun inwardly cursed his tendency to be socially inept at times. Because of this, he made it seem like he didn't return Mark's feelings, which definitely wasn't the case.

 **to: Mark**  
**oh my god, no no no, that isn't what i meant at all [11:22PM]**

 **from: Mark**  
**then what did you mean? [11:22PM]**

 **to: Mark**  
**i feel the same way about you [11:23PM]**  
**like [11:23PM]**  
**i like you, too [11:24PM]**

To confess that to his crush of over five months felt like a weight was being lifted off of his shoulders, like he could finally breathe easily.

 **from: Mark**  
**oh shit i was honestly getting really scared [11:25PM]**  
**it makes me really happy to know that we feel the same way about each other [11:26PM]**

 **to: Mark**  
**yeah, me too <3 [11:27PM]**  
**alright, i'm gonna go to sleep right now [11:27PM]**  
**good night :) [11:28PM]**

 **from: Mark**  
**good night, sweet dreams <3 [11:28PM]**

Once Renjun read Mark's text, he sighed blissfully, holding his phone over his heart. He read their conversation again, and saw that the time stamp of the text containing Mark's confession was more than fitting; Renjun felt as if his wish came true.

He told Mark that he was going to go to sleep, but it would be uncharacteristic of Renjun to let an instance like this go unrevealed to Donghyuck.

 **to: Hyuckie**  
**I AM GOIONG TO DIE RIGHTN OW [11:30PM]**  
**IM HAVING HE ARTR PALPTIATINOSN [11:30PM]**

 **from: Hyuckie**  
**BITCH did mark confess [11:31PM]**

 **to: Hyuckie**  
**YEAH HOWD U K NWO [11:31PM]**

 **from: Hyuckie**  
**honey, you may be taking all ap classes but you sure are dumb sometimes [11:32PM]**  
**mark told me that he had a crush on you like a few weeks ago [11:33PM]**  
**why do you think ive been teasing you so much about him lately???? [11:34PM]**

 **to: Hyuckie**  
**oh my god. i am dumb. [11:35PM]**  
**THAT'S why he's been so touchy and stuff lately. holy shit [11:35PM]**

 **from: Hyuckie**  
**HE FINALLY ADMITS IT [11:36PM]**  
**but yes now you know the reason :) [11:36PM]**

 **to: Hyuckie**  
**wow. [11:37PM]**  
**i am still... in shock [11:37PM]**

 **from: Hyuckie**  
**get used to it honey! [11:38PM]**  
**anyway im about to knock the fuck out [11:39PM]**  
**see you tomorrow, have fun on your gay endevors!!!! [11:39PM]**  
**LMAO all jokes aside, im happy for you bitch! [11:40PM]**

 **to: Hyuckie**  
**LMAO. i don't know if i ever will [11:41PM]**  
**thanks, hyuck, gn :) [11:42PM]**

When Renjun woke up in the morning, he felt refreshed and not like death, which was a new experience for him. He checked his phone, a smile forming on his face when he saw that he received a little "good morning" text from Mark. Butterflies formed in his stomach as he thought about seeing the older boy at school, and he knew that it was going to be a great day. The day was filled with shy glances and small touches, and Renjun felt content.

Their relationship only blossomed from that point on. Their days together were filled with last-minute dates, constant texts and Skype calls, and kisses and cuddles from when Renjun would sneak out to Mark's house. Of course, from time to time, Renjun's insecurities would get the better of him and he would feel extremely conscious of the status of their relationship. However, Mark was always there to assure the other boy of how much he loved him. Despite his worries, Renjun only ever felt love and appreciation and respect and warmth from Mark when they were together, and he never wanted it to end.

But all good things must.

It was the end of April, meaning that there was only a month until the end of the school year. A month until Mark graduated.

Renjun noticed that Mark was more distant, having to turn down impromptu dates and other things that they constantly did together. In typical Renjun manner, his mind jumped to the worst conclusions possible. Thoughts of "What if I'm like a burden to him now?" and "What if he doesn't love me anymore?" filled his mind, keeping him up at night and further lowering his self esteem.

He didn't say anything about it. He even tried not to show that he was hurting in any way. At this point, he had it ingrained in his mind that Mark was simply just growing sick of him. But still, there was a slight glimmer of hope inside of him that said that this would pass, and in a few weeks, or even days, everything between him and Mark would be okay again. He depended on that glimmer of hope and waited.

Something changed in a few days, but it wasn't what Renjun had hoped would happen.

On that particular day, Mark didn't walk him to any of his classes or even sit with his friend group at lunch. The only contact Mark made with Renjun the entire day was at the beginning of the lunch period when he told the younger boy to meet him at the large tree at the back of the school, a common meeting place of theirs if they just wanted to get away from all the stupidity plaguing their high school campus. This just made Renjun feel like something bad was going to take place, so throughout the day, he took the time to prepare himself for the worst.

Right as the bell signalling the end of the school day rang, Renjun walked straight to meeting spot Mark told him about. His phone vibrated in his back pocket, probably texts from Donghyuck wondering where he was. He couldn't find it in himself to look at his notifications, only focusing on not having a mental breakdown right then and there. His heart was beating so intensely that he thought it was going to pop right out of his chest. When he was close to the tree, he was surprised to see Mark there already.

Mark stood up to meet Renjun, greeting him with a small "Hi, baby" and a peck on the lips. The action made Renjun's flutter, even despite all of the nervousness coursing through his veins.

Mark motioned for the older boy to sit down on the bench, and the two of them slightly turned their bodies so they were facing each other. Mark took both of Renjun's hands in his, using his thumbs to caress the other boy's knuckles.

"I'm just going to..." Mark had to pause and take a deep breath as if what he was about to tell Renjun was hurting him somehow, "be completely honest with you about this." He looked straight into Renjun's eyes and continued to speak.

"I don't think I can continue our relationship anymore."

Those words pierced through Renjun's heart like the sharpest arrow ever created. He was too shocked to cry, but at the same time, he was expecting it, as much as he hated to admit it.

"Before I keep talking, please know that this is not your fault in any way. Please."

For some reason, those words were the words to make Renjun cry. Tears started streaming down his face and onto the bench they were sitting on.

"I really don't believe that I can give you the time, commitment, and attention that you really, truly deserve. You are worth so, so, so much, and I'm sorry that I cannot give that to you. I'm graduating soon. I'm going to college soon. I'm already super busy now, and I can't even imagine how much that's going to get worse once the next school year comes around." Mark said, his eyes threatening to well up with tears as well.

At this point, Renjun was trying his best to keep everything in, but it just came out as shakey shoulders and minute sobs escaping his mouth. It caused Mark so much pain to have to do this to Renjun, but he knew it was for the best, for the both of them.

"You don't... need to say anything." Mark said sheepishly.

"Hey, Renjun, can you look at me, please?" The younger boy looked up slowly, almost hesistantly. Seeing Renjun in such a broken state because of him tore up his heart into a million tiny pieces. He placed both of his hands on Renjun's cheeks, his thumbs trying to wipe away the tears on his face. Mark still thought Renjun looked beautiful.

"You deserve the world. I hope someone can give that to you one day." Mark finished, then pressing his lips to Renjun's, which were salty with tears. Renjun only sobbed more, but they didn't stop. They stayed like that for a few more minutes, with Mark's hands fingers placed on Renjun's cheeks and the younger boy's hands were desperately holding onto Mark's hoodie. The kiss was bittersweet; as they pulled away, it was like it was forced, like they didn't want to let go, but they knew that they had to.

After that, Mark got up, uttered an almost silent "Bye," and walked off in the direction of the front of the school, leaving Renjun crying into his hands.

At age 16, the end of his third year in high school, Renjun had his heart broken for the first time.

☽

When Renjun arrived home, he texted Donghyuck to come over as soon as possible. His heart was still hurting so much; it had actually felt like it broke into two pieces. His eyes were puffy and he felt lightheaded from losing so many fluids from his copious amounts of crying. He was glad that Mark decided to break up with him on a Friday so he didn't have to dread seeing him at school the next day. He would have the weekend to wallow in his sadness for the time being.

Renjun was curled into a ball under his blanket when Donghyuck burst through his bedroom door. He wasn't even surprised, only further making himself smaller than he usually was. Donghyuck sat on the elder's bed, right next to the Renjun-shaped lump.

"Hey, Renjun?" He called out to the other boy, peeling away the blanket from Renjun's face as he did so. When Donghyuck saw that he had been crying, his heart dropped to his stomach. He started stroking the boy's hair, and asked him, "Oh, honey, what happened?"

Upon hearing Donghyuck ask this, Renjun sprang up, hugged the younger boy, and started sobbing into his neck. He didn't think that he had any tears left, but the way he acted definitely proved this wrong.

Tears were wetting Donghyuck's t-shirt, but he didn't care in the slightest. At that moment, all he could think about was making Renjun feel safe and comfortable enough to tell him about the cause of his crying. His hands were soothingly rubbing Renjun's back, reminiscent of a mother comforting her child. "Shh, it's okay, honey, take your time. Take all the time you need."

The two of them stayed in that position for whatever amount of time Renjun needed to calm down. After Renjun had mostly stopped crying, Donghyuck stood up, telling the other boy that he would get some water. He came back, giving the glass of water to Renjun so he wouldn't become too dehydrated.

Donghyuck had a feeling as to the reason why Renjun was crying, but he didn't want to assume. So this time, he decided to just ask the older boy. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" Renjun didn't say anything right away, so this prompted something else from Donghyuck. "It's fine if you don't wanna tell me right now. That's fine."

Renjun took a deep breath in, making sure that he wouldn't burst into tears again once he talked about his most recent incident with his now ex-boyfriend. "No, I'll tell you."

Before telling him about what happened, Renjun got a tissue from the tissue box on his bedside table and wiped the tears from his face. "Mark..." Renjun's breathing started to turn a little shakey, but he managed to keep it under control, "broke it off."

Donghyuck's suspicions were confirmed with the words that came out of Renjun's mouth. "I'm so sorry about that."

"No, it's okay." Renjun's heart was still hurting so badly, but by then, he already came to terms with it. "I respect his reason for ending it. Still, I kinda wanna stick my face into a tub of ice cream and binge watch shitty Netflix shows and cry for several more hours, but I'll get better. I'll be okay. Eventually." Renjun punctuated his sentence with a teary eyed smile.

Hearing those words come out of Renjun's mouth made Donghyuck feel an overwhelming sense of pride and relief. He knew that the older boy still had feelings for Mark, so it would take a while for him to completely get over their break-up, but he had strong faith in the elder. "Yeah, you'll be okay." Donghyuck returned a smile to his best friend.

Seeing the younger boy smile at him and him just being in Renjun's presence to comfort him made Renjun feel like the luckiest person ever. Renjun was so grateful to have Donghyuck in his life. Ever since they met, Donghyuck has been nothing but a source of happiness and safety for the older boy. He could go to Donghyuck for anything, whether he needed to talk about that movie he saw last weekend or how much he hated high school, and vice versa. Even though they were faced with so many changes and struggles, being teenagers and all, Donghyuck was the one constant that kept him grounded through everything. With the help of Donghyuck and their other friends, Renjun knew that he things would work out for him in time.

☼

At age 18, the summer before his first year of college, Renjun thinks life is working in his favor.

After his break-up with Mark, he made a sort of vow to himself to not get into any relationships for a while, as he doesn't want it to distract him from getting to know more about himself. He didn't necessarily build a wall around himself and isolate his life from his friends. If anything, he grew closer to closer to the other boys in his friend group besides Donghyuck, and he wishes he made the effort to get to know them more sooner. Still, he's more than content with his life.

He loves being single. He has the freedom to kiss any boy he wants when he goes to house parties and it's a good system for Renjun. Of course, there are occasions in which he desperately wishes he had a boyfriend to spoil him and call him pretty and constantly check on him, but he has an amazing support group around him, so those desires dissipate quickly.

In the middle of his time for self healing, Donghyuck started dating Yukhei, and Renjun was beyond delighted when he found out. They're still together, and Renjun and anyone else who sees the two of them together think that they're beautiful together. Donghyuck is always there to calm down Yukhei's puppy-like tendencies, and though the shorter boy may seem fed up with Yukhei's loud and boisterous personality at times, he absolutely adores the elder, and the same with Yukhei to Donghyuck.

Donghyuck respects Renjun's decision of not dating for a while, but that doesn't mean he doesn't try to set the older boy up on dates. He even made him go on a date with Jeno once, and it was extremely strange, going into the situation with a romantic perspective in mind. At the beginning of the date, the both of them agreed to just treat the situation like they were friends. The only thing that came out of it was that him and Jeno became closer friends. Donghyuck was slightly disappointed as he always thought the two of them would look cute together, but fate didn't allow it.

Instead, there's someone else.

His name is Jaemin. Renjun doesn't know anything about him, other than the fact that he's in the same civics class as him, he's on the university's volleyball team along with Yukhei, and he's "totally dope" according to Yukhei.

Jaemin is extremely handsome in Renjun's eyes, and he's tall, and Renjun likes tall. Despite this boy's amazing physical appearance, he still barely knows anything about his personality and what he likes to do on the weekend, so he doesn't pay Jaemin much attention unless he forgets his pencil case at home, needs to borrow a pen, and Jaemin just happens to sit next to him on that day.

One thing Renjun does notice about Jaemin is that he tries to sit as close to Renjun as close as possible, even if the seats right next to him aren't available. He tries not to think anything of it, but it's difficult when you combine that with how often and intensely Jaemin stares at him.

There was one instance in which Renjun missed civics one day because he was, honestly, just too unmotivated and tired and done with school to go. He wasn't really worried about what he would miss; he would probably get it from the kid sitting next to him the next time they had class. But, the weird thing about the whole situation was that Jaemin messaged him the notes he missed. On the day he was gone. Renjun was extremely flattered, profusely thanking Jaemin for going out of his way to make sure that he didn't fall behind.

Ever since then, Jaemin's advances only became more and more frequent. It is completely obvious to Renjun that Jaemin is attracted to him in some way, but he sticks by his vow of staying away from dating for the time being. Renjun slightly feels bad for friendzoning Jaemin despite knowing about his feelings, but then again, the younger boy doesn't do anything to lessen how he acts around Renjun, so he just lets him be. The two of them become friends after the notes incident, and they get along right away. Jaemin is such an easy person to talk to, and Renjun is glad that he doesn't complain about their relationship not being something more.

Donghyuck approves of Jaemin, even more so because Yukhei thinks the guy is cool. Like the best friend/matchmaker he is, Donghyuck tries to get Renjun to go on a date with Jaemin, but the elder refuses. At least it was worth a try.

Renjun tries his best to protect himself from getting hurt again, but Jaemin's charming and flirty nature made things so difficult. Slowly, but surely, Renjun finds himself catching feelings for the younger boy. He is just so kind and understanding in every single situation and Renjun really admires that about him. He's stuck in some deep shit now.

One day, they're in Jaemin's dorm room, lying on the couch and watching episodes of Buzzfeed Unsolved on the television.

"Hey," Jaemin says out of the blue once an episode ends, "you know I like you, right?"

Renjun chuckles in response. "Yeah, I know."

"Well, do you like me back?" Jaemin is fully sitting up now, extremely curious about Renjun's feelings for him, if they exist.

Renjun feels chills run through him. He isn't scared about confessing to Jaemin, no, that's not what he's thinking about. He's worried about having to tell the younger about how he doesn't date, and even more worried about having to tell him about the reason why he doesn't date. "I don't date." Renjun tells Jaemin simply, not wanting to reveal more information than he needs to.

Jaemin frowns. "Why not?" he replies, and somehow, Renjun can hear the frown in Jaemin's tone.

Renjun really doesn't feel ready to tell Jaemin about it, especially because he hasn't known Jaemin for very long, so he just says, "I have my reasons." Renjun smiles when he finishes his sentence.

Jaemin doesn't push the topic further.

☽

Jaemin starts spending less time with Renjun. It makes Renjun anxious, reminding him of how Mark treated him before he broke up with him. He thought that what he was doing was okay, that staying friends with Jaemin was okay, but how Jaemin is acting is causing him to doubt his presumptions.

Donghyuck tries to comfort Renjun as he always does, telling the older male that he's just busy with volleyball practice and schoolwork, but for some reason, both him and Renjun have a feeling that that isn't the case at all. Even Yukhei has no idea why Jaemin is behaving that way toward Renjun.

Renjun lives with it, cursing himself for falling for Jaemin even though he knows that he doesn't want to get into a relationship. This whole ordeal just interferes with Renjun's self healing and it upsets him. So, he makes himself feel better by stuffing his face with ramen and watching High School Musical 2 (which is the best one, in his opinion). He's dancing and singing very loudly along to "Fabulous" when suddenly, he hears urgent knocking on the door to his dorm room.

He lowers down the volume on his laptop, and walks to the door, looking through the peephole and cold running through his veins when he sees that it's Jaemin. He breathes in deeply, preparing himself for whatever the younger has to tell him.

Jaemin lets himself in, and he seems worked up about something and Renjun is kind of scared, to be completely honest.

"Renjun Huang," Jaemin says, towering over the boy he mentioned, "I need answers."

Renjun steps away slowly, trying to create some distance between the two of them. He laughs softly with a hint of nervousness, trying to lighten up the situation. "About what?" He looks up at Jaemin, trying to seem as clueless about what Jaemin is talking about as possible.

Jaemin realizes how intimidating he seems at the moment, so he moves away from Renjun as well, establishing a clear boundary between the two of them. "Sorry, I've just been thinking about this ever since you told me." Jaemin moves his gaze from the floor to making direct eye contact with the older boy before saying, "I was wondering why you don't date."

"Oh." Renjun knows he would have to tell Jaemin eventually so he settles on just confessing now. "Well, I guess I should just tell you since you came over to my dorm room and everything."

So, Renjun leads them to sit on Renjun's bed and explains the entire situation. He tells Jaemin about Mark and how their break-up went, and he also mentions how he doesn't want dating to get in the way of him healing himself from his first serious heartbreak. The fact that Renjun doesn't cry while telling the story is an accomplishment in and of itself, the self-discovery thing really working in how he carries himself and talks to other people. He mentally hi-fives himself.

"I'm so sorry for pretty much ignoring you without knowing the entire situation." Jaemin apologizes guiltily now that he knows the reason behind Renjun's single-ness.

"Hey, it's fine, there's no way you could have known." Renjun smiles at Jaemin, reassuring the younger boy that the way he acted wasn't entirely his own fault.

"There's something else I've been thinking about, too. Do you like me?" Jaemin asks Renjun.

_Ah, that._

When Jaemin asks the question, it makes Renjun realize that he never directly answered Jaemin when the latter asked him about it the first time around. "Yeah, I do." Renjun answers nonchalantly. He's no longer afraid of his feelings, accepting them as they come. He feels proud of himself, too, something that never really happened before.

Jaemin visibly relaxes at hearing Renjun say that, causing Renjun to laugh a little bit. "Oh, thank _god_. I was starting to think that you just didn't like me at all." He says, before breaking into a blinding smile and hugging the smaller boy in front of him.

"Hey, hey, slow down there!" Renjun slowly peels himself Jaemin's embrace, leaving the younger boy in a pout.

"But... we like each other!" Jaemin whines out, which Renjun finds extremely endearing.

Renjun breathes out loudly. "Yes, we do, but I really don't know if I'm ready to get back into a relationship again. You know why now." Renjun sits on his hands and looks down at his lap, feeling a small cloud of shame loom over his head. It seems that there's room for more improvement.

"Oh, I see." Jaemin looks away, too, not knowing what to say for a small moment. Then, he comes up with something, turning his head to Renjun with hope twinkling in his eyes. "We can go slow, at your pace! I promise that I won't make you do anything that you're not comfortable with. I really, really like you, Renjun, and I will never treat you in a way that you're not down for. I just want to be with you."

Jaemin's words are just so full of conviction that Renjun can't seem to refuse his offer in any way. Not only did Jaemin's tone influence his decision, but Renjun genuinely thinks that Jaemin will be able to treat him well and respect his boundaries when something becomes too much for him. "Okay."

They know this is the start of something beautiful.

☽

As time goes on, their relationship is going slowly, just like Jaemin said. Jaemin doesn't pressure Renjun into anything, letting the elder take things at his own pace. Renjun still has a slightly hard time being completely open to Jaemin about everything, but the latter is always so patient with him, never failing to show Renjun how loved and cherished he is. Renjun appreciates each and every single one of Jaemin's efforts to make him feel as comfortable as possible in their relationship, and he is so thankful that this is the boy he now loves.

Months pass, and the bond between the two of them continues to move along. Jaemin plays a large part in helping Renjun become more content with his life, and that's one of the best things about being in a relationship with the older boy. He's so encouraging, never allowing life to be stagnant. He's constantly supporting Renjun and trying to help him improve how he feels about himself, love, and life.

It's now March, about ten months since Renjun and Jaemin started dating. Jaemin let Renjun pick where they should go for his birthday, and he picks The Flower Fields. It's a bit of a long drive from where they live, but Jaemin is more than happy to drive his boyfriend to his birthday destination, or anywhere, really.

When they get there, Renjun is more than ecstatic. It's so beautiful there, and it brings him a sense of nostalgia. His parents used to take him there for his birthday every year since the date fell in the small window of time that the gardens were open. As he got older, he started to refuse to go, claiming that he didn't want to because "flowers are girly." He regrets letting society's constructs of fragile masculinity get to his head.

"It's absolutely breathtaking." Renjun says in awe as he looks around at the vast field of colorful flowers in bloom.

"Yeah, they really are." Jaemin replies, more directed toward Renjun than the flowers. Sure, the flora surrounding them is beautiful, but nothing could beat the sight of his boyfriend, the sun hitting him perfectly and making him glow even more than he usually does.

To document the beauty of the scene and Renjun's happiness as he revels in the sun and nature, he takes out his camera that he brought along with him, snapping a picture of Renjun surrounded by the warm colors of all of the flowers.

Upon hearing the click of the camera, Renjun glares at his boyfriend, letting out a feisty little "Hey!"

"Sorry, babe." Jaemin wraps his arm around Renjun, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head. "You just looked too pretty."

Renjun rolls his eyes, but still blushes anyway. "Fine, let me see the picture." He takes the camera from Jaemin, looking at the most recent picture taken on the device. "Oh, wow, this shot is really nice. I do look kinda pretty."

Hearing Renjun somewhat agree with his compliment made his heart swell. When they started dating, Renjun's self esteem wasn't the worst, but it definitely wasn't at its peak. Now, he's so happy to hear Renjun say good things about himself, especially if it's his appearance, since he's struggled with that more than anything else. "You look way more than 'kinda pretty,' babe. You look utterly stunning!" Jaemin tells Renjun loudly, not afraid to let his boyfriend know what's on his mind.

Renjun snorts, "Thanks, but that's gay."

The both of them burst into laughter at Renjun's joke, basking in the sun and each other's presence.

As the sun sets, Renjun can't help but feel more content with life than he ever has before. He looks at the scene around him. His boyfriend of more than ten months is taking a bunch of pictures of flowers and that alone brings a smile to himself. The sunset, the sky painted shades of orange and pink, only adds to the happiness filling his heart to full capacity. He steals a glance at Jaemin only to find the younger boy staring at him as well. They smile so brightly at each other, both possessing a mutual understanding of the love they feel for each other.

With an exchange of kisses and sweet "I love you"s, Renjun realizes that this is the season when love blooms.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so so soo sooooo much for reading; i really hope you enjoyed that! like i said before, this fic is my baby and it took me so long to write because i had no ideas but now it's finally DONE and i am pretty proud of myself LMAO. UHHHHH ALSO i feel like the pacing is rushed because this fic made me realize how hard it is to make a fic really long but yeah i hope it isn't that bad and you enjoyed it anyway!!!
> 
> anyway, please pleASE PLEASE P L E A S E give me feedback about my writing, the story itself, pacing, their characterization, relationship dynamics, anything!!!! i really want to know these things so i can continue to improve how i write and produce better content for you, the readers!
> 
> once again, thank you so much for reading and i hope you have an amazing morning/afternoon, evening wherever you are!!!
> 
> talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/babiejaem) and ask me things on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/babiejaem)!


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